Farewell Ceremonies and the Role of Music

When I hear on the radio the track “Hero” (Let me go, I don’t wanna be your hero) by “Family of the Year”, I must think of Bruno S. He was with us for only two weeks, but he was such a particular person that he remained in my memory. When he had died we chose this song for his farewell ceremony. So many relatives and members of his residential group had come that we had to split up in groups to say farewell to him. Also, the memory of the 19year old Marc, son of a friendly couple, is inseparably bound up with a piece of music: “The Way” by Herbert Grönemeyer – “You flooded every room with sunshine…”

A farewell ceremony in a hospice normally takes place at the deceased’s bedside within the immediate family. We talk about the way we saw this person, about our recollections bound up with him and what was special about him.

Here, music plays an important part. Sometimes, we choose a piece we consider fitting to this personality or because there is a fondness for a certain genre, (tango, piano music), a composer (Mozart) or performer. It is even better if the residents mentioned their favourite music during their stay at the hospice, because it might have played an important part in their partnerships or in the history of their lives. Sometimes, the relatives can point to a special piece of music. I remember the farewell to a very pithy personality, when the track “My Way” by Frank Sinatra made us smile and we all thought “Yes, that is just like him – even the ‘final curtain’!”

Why is that so important for us? Because, again and again, we learn that music has the power to reflect part of our personality and so becomes a symbol of our esteem. But also because music has the ability to touch us deep and gently within our hearts and do good to our grief. The lyrics of the songs, yet even more the melodies and chords make vibrate within ourselves a reality which we often lack the words for.

Hubertus Deuerling, pastor at Johannes-Hospiz